A Client’s Journey: Overcoming the Block

Hannah, a client in her late 30s, came to me feeling frustrated and disconnected from her body. She had never struggled with pleasure before, but over the years, the more she focused on trying to reach orgasm, the harder it became. “It’s like chasing something that keeps slipping away,” she told me.

Through our sessions, we uncovered how her need to control the experience was the very thing blocking her pleasure. The more she tried to make an orgasm happen, the less she could let go and fully experience her body’s sensations.

Over time, through guided exercises, mindfulness, and communication strategies, she learned that surrendering to the moment rather than striving for a goal was the key. And when she finally let go, the pleasure came naturally.

Common Causes of Difficulty Reaching Orgasm

1. Psychological Factors

Your mind plays a crucial role in your sexual response. Stress, anxiety, or an overactive mind can interfere with arousal and orgasm. Emotional barriers, such as guilt, shame, or past trauma, can also contribute to difficulties in fully letting go and enjoying the moment. Remember that you can’t force an orgasm to happen, you need to allow it to happen. The more you are focused on having it or feel pressure around having an orgasm, the more obstacles that will create. All of these factors can also impact your sexual desire. You can also read about how to increase sex drive naturally.

2. Medications and Health Conditions

Certain medications, particularly antidepressants, can affect sexual response. Additionally, chronic health conditions, hormonal imbalances, or nerve-related issues may impact your ability to climax. If you suspect a medical cause, consulting your GP or healthcare professional to help address underlying concerns. To know more about medical conditions that can affect orgasm, the Mayo Clinic discusses these orgasm difficulties in detail.

3. Performance Pressure

The expectation to reach orgasm can create a self-imposed pressure that makes climaxing even more difficult. This pressure can also come from a partner who may unknowingly intensify the issue by frequently checking in or expressing concerns about your experience. If this is the case, it can help to have an open conversations about the impact that this has on you not being in the present moment during intimacy.

Keep this in mind: the Journal of Sexual Medicine, research suggests that up to 80% of women do not consistently experience orgasm during sex. Similarly, Cosmopolitan’s Female Orgasm Survey (2015) found that approximately 57% of women reported usually reaching orgasm when engaging in partnered sex. So it makes send that a large proportion of women may find that no matter what position or technique they try, achieving orgasm during sex remains elusive.

4. Emotional and Relationship Factors

Feeling emotionally disconnected from your partner can significantly impact your ability to reach orgasm. A strong emotional bond fosters trust, relaxation, and deeper sexual satisfaction. When partners struggle with communication or feel distant from each other, this emotional gap can create tension in the bedroom.

Studies show that couples who engage in regular emotional check-ins, affectionate touch, and open conversations about intimacy often report higher levels of sexual satisfaction. If you’re feeling disconnected, try rebuilding intimacy by prioritising non-sexual affection, quality time, and deep conversations about your desires.

Addressing relationship issues through open and honest communication—or even seeking couples therapy—can help you and your partner reconnect on both an emotional and physical level, making orgasm more attainable and fulfilling.

5. Sensory and Physical Stimulation

Not everyone experiences pleasure in the same way. Some individuals may require specific types of touch or intensity to reach orgasm. For example, those accustomed to certain stimuli, such as vibrators or specific masturbation techniques, may find it harder to climax during intercourse. You may find that exploring other erogenous zones can help:

• The Clitoris – Often referred to as the “pleasure center,” the clitoris extends inside the pelvic cavity, forming a wishbone shape. While external stimulation can be highly pleasurable, deep pressure or indirect contact can also contribute to orgasm.
• The G-Spot – Located on the front vaginal wall, the G-spot can provide intense pleasure when stimulated, whether through fingers, toys, or certain sexual positions.
• The Perineum and Anus – These areas contain sensitive nerve endings and can enhance overall sexual pleasure when stimulated with gentle touch or pressure.

For more ways to improve or reach orgasm, you can listen to this podcast on How to Improve Your Orgasm with famous sex educator, Emily Nagoski.

6. Past Experiences and Conditioning

Negative sexual experiences or deeply ingrained beliefs about pleasure can impact orgasmic response. If unresolved trauma or past conditioning is a factor, working with a sexologist can be incredibly beneficial. Read more about how past trauma affects intimacy.

What Happens in a Session with a Sexologist?

Many clients worry that discussing sexual difficulties might be uncomfortable, but sessions with a sexologist are designed to be a safe, judgment-free space. Together, we explore your personal experiences, beliefs about pleasure, and any physical or emotional barriers.

Through tailored techniques such as guided relaxation, cognitive reframing, and practical exercises, we work towards unlocking your natural pleasure response. Whether you are experiencing orgasm difficulties due to anxiety, mind-body dissociation, past experiences, or relationship concerns, there is always a way forward. Remember: the key is not to force an orgasm but to allow it to happen naturally.

Still Asking Yourself: Why Can’t I Orgasm?

Sexual experiences are unique to each person, and difficulties reaching orgasm are more common than many realise. With patience, self-awareness, and the right approach, it is possible to improve orgasmic response and deepen sexual satisfaction. If you need personalised support, reach out to a qualified sexologist for guidance.